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Kort was angry. He'd lost his keys and was desperate to get out.

"Look in your ear," said Denise.

He had been sleeping and she had smeared his balls with orange marmalade.

That's why he was angry. Nothing to do with the keys.

The common law marriage never recovered.

Kort moved to Bucharest and became a chemical engineer.

Denise advertised in an online dating app making it clear what she was about to avoid similar relationship distintegration.

" Smart, sexy, 26, loves turtles and sex with rough cut orange marmalade. I don't know why but I will not deny my personhood. Will be at the Co-op jam section for the next four Fridays at 7 pm. "

The only person who showed, in the last two minutes of the last Friday was a forty three year old high school female History teacher from Kamloops.

"What the fuck, get outa here, you think I'm some kind of Pan Jam?"

Yet three years later they were still together.

In fact, Melanie mellowed Denise so that over time she was no longer a hard bitch. On Sundays they even enjoyed threesomes in a cottage by the lake with large jars of Mixed Forest Fruit jelly spread.

Secretly though,

In the fourth year,

Denise began to lust for leather

And Marmite.


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